Meet The Man Who Invented The Concept That A Bank Could Be Gay

-Gawker

Davidson Boswell, A higher up at Wells Fargo, had an idea one day. He sat at his corner office on a gloomy thursday afternoon looking down at all the ant-people below and wondered: “why do they all hate us?”

“Is it because we stole money from our customers? No. Is it because we fired lower level employees for failing to meet unrealistic sales quotients? No. Is it because we laundered money for drug cartels? Could not be that either.”

“It is because our bank was straight.” Davidson explained. “In the 21st century, if you are going to succeed, your bank has to be at the very least bisexual, if not outright gay.

“It is a bold strategy, and tomorrow, our bank will be coming out to the world. I hope the world is accepting.”

(at the time of this article’s publication Wells Fargo has lost 50% market cap and fired Davidson Boswell for pleasuring himself in the executive bathroom)