Report: Men Struggling to Explain the State of the World to their Guns as they Tuck Them into Bed at Night

Brian Shlaffley, 38, tucked his beautiful 7-year-old gun into bed last Wednesday, and gave it a gentle kiss on the muzzle.

“I love you so much,” he reminded his handgun, as he loaded a fresh bullet in the chamber and took the gun off safety.

Brian, a Texas native, is like so many other gun owners right now, struggling to explain the state of the world to their frightened and confused firearms.

“I just look down at my beautiful 9mm Beretta px4 Storm that would never hurt a fly, and think, what is this world coming to? If we can’t protect the most vulnerable among us — our guns — then what are we really doing here?”

“We all know what the problems are,” he continued. “It’s these woke parents who want their kids to not get shot. I just don’t understand how, in the 21st century, you can expect your kids to go to elementary school and come back alive.”

Getting out of bed and putting on his bathrobe, Shlaffley shook his head. “It is breeding a system of entitlement among our kids that is gonna come back to bite us in the ass, assuming some of them survive. I don’t want to live in a world where my guns have to fear for their very existence every day.”